Storytelling Therapy for Children: Using Fairy Tales to Talk About Difficult Feelings

The child does not always answer the direct question "What's wrong with you?". Sometimes she herself does not yet know how to name what she feels. And sometimes the word "scary", "sad", "jealous" or "I don't want to go to kindergarten" is simply difficult to say out loud.

At such moments, history can become a bridge. It is not necessary to start the conversation with the child. You can talk about a bear that didn't want to stay in a new place, a bunny that was afraid of the dark, or a hero that had a fight with a friend. When the situation happens "not with me, but in a fairy tale", it is sometimes easier to look at it.

It is with this use of stories that the concept of fairytale therapy for children is often associated. But here it is important to immediately draw a line: professional fairy-tale therapy and reading fairy tales at home are not the same thing. Parents can use a good story as an excuse for gentle conversation, but should not turn every fairy tale into a psychological session or try to "treat" complex conditions on their own.

What is fairy-tale therapy in simple words

In psychological practice, fairy-tale therapy refers to the use of fairy tales, images, metaphors, and creating stories in working with feelings, experiences, and life situations. A child can listen to a ready-made story, come up with his own, change the ending, draw characters or, together with an adult, look for different solutions for the hero.

In scientific Ukrainian publications, fairy-tale therapy is described precisely as a psychological or psychotherapeutic tool. The New Leaf Psychological Center also emphasizes an important point: in professional work, a fairy tale is one of the tools of a child psychologist and is used according to a specific request, not simply as a "healing story in itself."

For parents, this distinction is very useful. At home, you don't need to make diagnoses, look for hidden symbols in each character or specially "disassemble the psyche" of the child. The role of a fairy tale at home is simpler: to create a safe space for time together and to give a topic to talk about without pressure.

Story therapy and ordinary reading are not the same thing

An ordinary fairy tale can be just a wonderful story. It can be listened to for adventure, humor, language, imagination or a cozy evening together. And that's reason enough to read it.

Therapeutic work has a different purpose. In it, the specialist chooses or creates a story taking into account the specific situation of the child, observes his reactions, asks relevant questions, and, if necessary, uses other psychological methods.

Therefore, any fairy tale about fear, friendship or kindness should not be called "therapeutic". And even more so, you shouldn't promise that one story will "remove anxiety," "cure fear," or "teach a child to behave properly."

At the same time, a fairy tale can be very useful as part of normal family communication. UNICEF in Ukraine uses stories in educational and developmental materials for preschoolers: heroes get into situations familiar to children, and fairy tales themselves help to talk about emotions, interaction with others, safe behavior, responsibility and other age-related skills. This is a good example of how a story can support development and conversation without pretending to be a one-size-fits-all therapy.

Why is it sometimes easier to talk about feelings through a hero

A direct question may feel too big for a child.

"Why are you afraid?"

"Why are you angry with your sister?"

"Why don't you want to go to kindergarten?"

Even an adult is sometimes difficult to answer such questions immediately. Even more so for a child.

But it is easier to talk about the hero:

- "Why do you think the bunny didn't want to go into the dark room?"

- "What could help the bear cub on the first day of kindergarten?"

- "Why was the fox so offended by the friend?"

- "What could the hero have said instead of running away?"

The child can simply discuss the plot and not transfer it to himself at all. This is normal. It is not necessary to ask after each answer: "Do you have the same?"

Sometimes the connection occurs by itself. The child suddenly says: "I'm so afraid too" or "I wasn't allowed to play either." Then the story did its most important homework: opening the door to conversation.

In what situations can a fairy tale become a reason for conversation

Fears and anxious situations

If a child is afraid of the dark, the doctor, loud noises, being without a parent, or anything else, a story about a character with a similar experience can help name the feelings and think about ways to support them.

It is important not to choose the plot according to the principle "now we will show how the hero stopped being afraid, and you must too." It is better when the hero has the right to be afraid, gets support, tries a few steps and does not turn into a fearless superhero in one page.

If your child’s concern is the dark, see Bembi’s article “When Your Child Is Afraid of the Dark: How to Help at Bedtime” for more specific support.

Kindergarten, school and other changes

The first kindergarten, a new school, a move, the appearance of a younger child in the family, a change in the usual regime are situations where the child has to simultaneously get acquainted with the new and say goodbye to part of the old order.

A fairy tale can make the coming change less unknown. The hero goes to kindergarten, meets the teacher, misses his mother, finds a place for his things, and then sees that a close adult returns. This does not guarantee easy adaptation, but it gives the child words and images for future experiences.

For support with starting preschool, see Bembi’s article “Starting Preschool: How to Help Your Child Adjust.”

Friendship, conflicts and resentment

Fairy-tale heroes quarrel, make mistakes, are jealous, are deceived, reconcile, help or refuse to help. That is why stories provide many natural reasons to talk about relationships.

Instead of the moral "see, you should always share", you can ask the question: "How did the hero feel when he was left alone?" or "What else could he do?" This way, the conversation does not turn into a lecture, and the child gets a place for his own opinion.

Sadness, jealousy and complicated feelings

Not all children's feelings are comfortable for adults. A child may be jealous of a brother or sister, angry with his mother, miss a person who is not around, be jealous of a friend or feel guilty.

A fairy tale does not make these emotions "right" or "wrong." It can show that feelings exist, but the hero's actions can be discussed separately.

For example: "You can be angry. And what did the hero do with his anger? Did it help him?”

For a child, this is an important distinction: having a strong feeling is not the same as doing anything under its influence.

How to choose a story for such a conversation

Look for a similar situation, not "right morals"

If a child is worried about kindergarten, it is better to look for a story about a new place, separation, acquaintance or friendship, and not just an "instructive tale about obedience".

If the child quarreled with a friend, the story of reconciliation, misunderstanding or resentment will be closer than an abstract fairy tale "about goodness".

The topic should respond to the situation, but not copy it down to the last detail. Sometimes a short distance is even more useful.

Consider the age and condition of the child today

The same story can be interesting in the morning and too stressful at bedtime. A child can easily listen to a complex plot on a quiet day and ask for a familiar simple fairy tale after a busy event.

Therefore, focus not only on the number in the age category. See if you have the strength to listen to a new story, if you want a familiar plot, or if the topic is not too close to a fresh experience.

Check the plot and ending beforehand

This is especially important if the story deals with fear, loss, war, separation, illness, violence, or other sensitive topics.

It is not enough to see the title "tale of fear" and turn it on to the child. An adult should know what exactly happens to the hero, how tense the plot is, how the story ends and whether it corresponds to the condition of a particular child.

That is why projects that officially position their stories as therapeutic often involve psychologists in editorial review. For example, the Ukrainian-language collection "Secret stories of small and big victories" was created with the participation of child family psychologist Svitlana Roiz, and the stories were checked for non-traumatic nature.

Do not call any fairy tale therapeutic

This matters both for parents and for children’s reading services such as Bembi.

A folk tale about a sly fox can be wonderful. A story about a good deed can make a great topic for conversation. A bedtime story can be soothing precisely because it is familiar and predictable.

That does not automatically make these stories “therapeutic” in a professional sense. The term deserves greater care than an ordinary label describing a story’s theme.

How to read or listen to a fairy tale together

A special twenty-point script is not required for a home conversation. On the contrary, excessive seriousness can destroy the very magic of the story.

You can act more easily:

1. Choose one relevant story. You don't have to do a marathon of five stories "about the problem."

2. Listen without constant stops. If the child asks questions himself, answer them. If not, let the plot move.

3. Watch the reaction. Does the child laugh, tense up, ask to rewind, want to stop the story? This is more important than an adult's plan "be sure to read the moral".

4. Leave some space after the finale. Not every tale needs the same second of discussion.

5. If the child wants to talk, talk about the hero. It is better to leave the transition to personal experience to the child, and not to demand it.

Sometimes the best reaction after a story isn't a question, but a phrase like, "I liked how the character found a way to ask for help." The child will decide whether to continue the topic.

What questions to ask after the fairy tale

Questions work better when there is no hidden "right answer".

Instead of:

- "Did you understand that you have to be kind?"

- "Now you won't be afraid, will you?"

- "See, the hero went to kindergarten and didn't cry?"

try:

- "What is your most memorable moment?"

- "How do you think the hero felt?"

- "What was the hardest thing for him?"

- "Who helped him?"

- "What else could he try?"

- "Would you change anything about the finale?"

- "Which hero would you like to support?"

Such questions leave the child the right to see the story in his own way.

And if she answers "I don't know" or doesn't want to discuss at all, that's also an answer. You don't have to drag the conversation out by force.

What is better not to do

Do not use the fairy tale as a hidden lesson

Children are very quick to sense when a "tale" is actually a lecture in disguise about what they've done wrong again.

If, after a fight, you say, "Now you're going to listen to a story about a boy who learned to be obedient," the child is unlikely to perceive this as a safe space.

Don't promise a result

"Listen to this fairy tale and you will stop being afraid" creates extra pressure. If the fear remains, the child may decide that something is wrong with him.

Better: "In this story, the hero was also afraid. We can listen if you want."

Do not force yourself to recognize yourself in the hero

Even if the parallel is obvious to an adult, a child may need some distance.

"It's just like you!" often closes the conversation faster than it opens it.

Don't use a story as a substitute for the help you need

If the child suffers for a long time, his fear or anxiety significantly interferes with sleep, learning, communication or everyday life, if he has experienced a traumatic event or adults see drastic changes in his condition, a fairy tale should not be the only support tool.

Can you use audio fairy tales?

Yes. If the child likes to listen, the audio format can be as much a reason for conversation as a read book.

This is where listening nearby is especially helpful when the subject is sensitive. Then the adult sees the child's reaction, can pause and answer the question.

For regular evening listening, the child can choose a fairy tale more independently. But stories about fears, loss, separation or other emotionally charged situations are better to check with an adult first.

Enjoy Bembi’s audio stories as opportunities to listen and talk together, rather than as therapeutic recordings.

When home conversation through a fairy tale is not enough

Parents are not obliged to solve every difficult child's situation on their own.

It is worth considering the consultation of a pediatrician, a child psychologist or another specialized specialist, if the child's experiences:

- very strong or last a long time;

- noticeably interfere with sleep, learning, eating, playing or usual communication;

- lead to regular avoidance of important everyday situations;

- appeared or sharply increased after a traumatic or crisis event;

- are accompanied by changes that seriously disturb close adults;

- concern the safety of the child or other people.

In such a situation, a fairy tale can remain a warm part of the time together, but it should not replace professional evaluation and help.

Frequently asked questions of parents

Can every fairy tale be therapeutic?

No. Any good fairy tale can provide material for conversation, but the professional concept of fairy tale therapy is broader than ordinary reading. You shouldn't call a story therapeutic just because it has a moral, a scare, or a happy ending.

Is it possible to conduct fairy-tale therapy at home without a psychologist?

Parents can read, listen and discuss stories, invent heroes and endings together with the child. This is normal family interaction. But if we are talking about the therapy of a specific psychological problem, this is already the work of a specialist. At home, it is better not to set yourself the task of "healing with a fairy tale".

What if the child does not want to discuss the story?

Do not insist. A fairy tale can remain just a fairy tale. Sometimes the child returns to the plot after a day or a week, and sometimes does not want to talk about it at all. This does not mean that the hearing was "in vain".

Does the fairy tale have to end very happily?

Not every ending has to be perfect, but for young children and sensitive subjects, it's important that the story doesn't leave them hanging. Useful when there is support, action, reconnection, or a clear conclusion in the plot. The specific level of tension should be selected according to the age and condition of the child.

Is it possible to listen to a therapeutic fairy tale before going to bed?

Not every story is suitable. A topic may be helpful during the day but too stimulating in the evening. At bedtime, consider the plot, pace, tension, and your child’s response, rather than the label “therapeutic.” For more evening ideas, see “A Bedtime Routine for Children: 7 Calm Steps.”

The main thing: a fairy tale can open a conversation, but it should not become "medicine"

A fairy tale has an amazing property: it is possible to take the complex beyond direct conversation and look at it through the eyes of the hero. It is not necessary for the child to say "it's about me" right away. She can at first simply feel sorry for the bunny, argue with the princess's decision or come up with another way out for the bear.

For parents, this is enough to listen more carefully.

Story therapy for children in the professional sense is not a magic book or a set of correct morals, but a psychological tool that a specialist can use in his work. And at home, a fairy tale works best where an adult does not pressure, does not demand a conclusion and does not promise to "fix the problem", but remains close and ready to talk if the child opens this door.

Sometimes after the story, one question is enough: "And how would you help this hero?"

And listen to the answer.