How to Talk About a Fairy Tale with Your Child After Reading

The fairy tale is over. The hero returned home, the fox outwitted someone, the traveler found the way, the princess made a choice, and the dragon turned out to be not at all what everyone thought. And then the familiar easily emerges from an adult: "Well, what does this fairy tale teach?"

Sometimes the child answers immediately. Sometimes shrugs. And sometimes a conversation just engrossed in a story suddenly becomes like a lesson with the right answer at the end.

You can discuss a fairy tale with a child much more lively. It is not necessary to check whether she has memorized the plot and whether she has guessed the "moral". It is much more interesting to find out who the child loved, whom he was angry with, where he was surprised, which choice of the hero he understood and which he did not.

So the fairy tale does not end at the last sentence. She turns to the conversation.

Why discuss a fairy tale at all

After a good story, the child already has ready-made material for conversation: characters, events, decisions, surprises, feelings and consequences.

When an adult asks not only "what happened?", but also "what do you think, why?", "and who did you feel sorry for?" or "what would you do in the hero's place?", the child gets the opportunity to explain his own opinion in his own words.

A similar principle appears regularly in shared reading guidelines from UNICEF, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the NAEYC: talk with your child about characters and events, ask what might happen next, ask open-ended questions, and allow time for responses.

But the important word here is "speak". Do not examine.

A conversation after a fairy tale can help:

- recall the sequence of events;

- name the emotions of the characters;

- notice the connection between the act and the consequence;

- to see that one situation can be evaluated in different ways;

- compare the decisions of several heroes;

- come up with another development of the plot;

- find words for your own impression.

Sometimes it will be a five minute conversation. Sometimes one question. And sometimes after the final, it's best to just say: "That was an adventure" and close the book.

Not every fairy tale needs to be analyzed

It is easy for parents to fall into the trap: if you have already read the story, you must definitely get "benefit" from it.

Then after each tale begins a series of questions:

"Who is the main character?"

"What did he do?"

"Why can't you do that?"

"What's the moral?"

"Did you understand everything?"

Even a very interesting story can feel like homework after this.

A child has the right to simply listen to a fairy tale. to laugh Ask for the same one again. Remember a strange line. Draw a ship, although an adult wanted to talk about honesty. Or not to talk about her at all this evening.

If the child himself comments on something, argues with the hero, asks a question or returns to a certain moment, the conversation has already begun. It does not need to be specially "organized".

Start not with morals, but with impressions

The easiest way to open a conversation after a fairy tale: first ask not about correctness, but about impressions.

For example:

- "What do you remember most?"

- "Who did you like?"

- "What was the funniest moment?"

- "Where were you most worried about the hero?"

- "What was the strangest thing?"

Such questions are easier because they do not require finding a hidden "lesson". The child begins with what he really felt.

And from this you can go deeper.

If she says, "I liked the little rabbit," you can answer, "And what exactly did he do?"

If he says: "I was annoyed by the king", you can ask: "Because of what his decision?"

If she laughed at a cunning fox: "Was she clever or dishonest? Or maybe both?"

This is where the real discussion of the fairy tale begins.

12 questions after the fairy tale that open the conversation

It is not necessary to bet all twelve. On the contrary, it is better to choose one or two that fit this story.

About the plot

1. What moment did you remember the most?

Works well with almost any fairy tale and has no wrong answer.

2. What surprised you the most?

It helps to notice the twist of the plot, and not just retell the events one by one.

3. When do you think things could have gone completely differently?

Especially interesting in adventure and magical stories.

About heroes and feelings

4. Who did you like the most and why?

5. Who did you feel sorry for?

6. How do you think the character felt at that moment?

Here it is not necessary to guess the "correct" emotion. One reader will see fear, another resentment, a third shame or curiosity. If the answer makes sense in the context of the story, it's worth hearing.

About choice and consequences

7. Which decision of the hero did you like?

8. What would you advise him to do differently?

9. Why do you think the hero did this?

These questions are more interesting than "did he do right or wrong?" because they allow us to talk about reasons.

About imagination and a different ending

10. What would happen if the hero didn't go there?

11. What other ending would you think of?

12. Which of the heroes would you take on a new adventure?

Such questions work well even when the child does not want to talk about morality. She stays inside the game and the story, but still reflects on the events.

How to talk about the moral of a fairy tale without a "correct answer"

Many folk and educational tales really have a clear main idea. A hero chooses something, faces consequences, helps, deceives, shares, breaks a promise, shows courage or cleverness.

But the moral does not necessarily have to be announced at the end, usually on a poster.

Instead of:

"This fairy tale teaches that you should always be kind"

you can ask:

"Why did the other heroes want to help him?"

Instead of:

"You see, lying is bad"

you can:

"What changed after he lied?"

Instead of:

"Must share"

you can:

"How did one character feel before and after sharing?"

So the child himself comes to an idea through the plot. Her conclusion may be shorter, weirder, or completely different from what the adult expected. This is normal.

Sometimes the child will notice a different topic altogether. An adult sees a tale about greed, and a child talks about the character's loneliness. An adult sees a story about courage, and a child remembers that the hero asked for help. This is not a "misreading". This is a reason to find out what exactly affected the child.

What to do if a child sees the story differently than an adult

Let's imagine that in a fairy tale, a cunning hero deceived a stronger opponent.

An adult might think, "This is a story about cleverness."

And the child says: "He is dishonest."

Do not rush to correct.

You can answer:

"It's interesting. And what exactly seemed unfair to you?"

After that, the conversation becomes much more interesting. You can see together that cunning sometimes saves a weaker hero, and sometimes harms another. That a character can be likable and do a questionable act at the same time. That not all fairy-tale heroes are divided into perfectly good and perfectly bad.

This is one of the reasons why fairy tales are so convenient to discuss. They give a safe distance: we are not talking about what "you did wrong yesterday", but about the fox, the traveler, the king or the princess.

How to change the conversation depending on the age

These are not strict age rules. Children of the same age are very different, and a familiar favorite fairy tale can cause a much more difficult conversation than a new one. But as a simple guide, you can move from the concrete to the more abstract.

2–4 years

It is better to be short and specific.

Suitable questions:

- "Who is this?"

- "Where did he go?"

- "Was he happy or scared?"

- "Who did you like?"

- "Show the funniest picture."

It is not necessary to explain the "main idea of ​​the work" to a small child. It is often enough to name a character, an action or an emotion.

5-7 years old

We can talk more about the causes, solutions and consequences.

For example:

- "Why did he do that?"

- "What could have happened differently?"

- "Would you trust this hero?"

- "What was fair and what was not?"

- "Who had the hardest time?"

At this age, the child often likes to argue with the plot and invent his own version. This is great talking point.

8-10 years old

You can go to several points of view.

For example:

- "Did the hero have another choice?"

- "Why did two characters see the same situation differently?"

- "Who changed the most from start to finish?"

- "Is the ending fair?"

- "What name would you give this fairy tale after reading it?"

Older children often already notice the contradictions, exaggerations and injustice of classic stories. There is no need to defend the fairy tale from criticism. You can argue with her together.

If the child does not want to answer

After the story, you asked, "What did you like best?"

Answer: "I don't know."

This is not a failure.

Maybe the child is tired. Maybe he's still thinking. Maybe she just doesn't want to talk. And maybe the story didn't really touch.

You don't need to ask ten more questions right away.

You can say one phrase yourself:

"And I felt sorry for the crane."

or:

"I didn't expect him to come back."

And shut up.

When an adult shares his or her opinion without requiring a response, it is easier for the child to join in if he or she wants to.

Sometimes the conversation will not start now, but the next day. The child will suddenly remember the hero during a walk or a game. Fairy tales have a strange habit of returning when no one specifically "dissembles" them.

If the fairy tale caused fear, sadness or a strong reaction

Some stories deal with themes of loss, punishment, danger, loneliness, injustice, or separation. Even a fairy tale that seems ordinary to an adult can have a strong impact on a child.

If the child is upset, at first it is better to react to his feelings, and not to explain morals.

You can say:

- "It seems that this moment upset you."

- "Were you afraid for the hero?"

- "Do you want to talk about it or should we just sit?"

Do not convince: "But it's just a fairy tale, what are you afraid of?" For a child, the experience during the story is real, even if the characters are fictional.

If a certain fairy tale regularly causes severe fear, nightmares, or the child asks not to turn it on, it can simply be postponed. Not every famous classic story is right for every child right now.

And if the conversation turns to a real difficult situation in the child's life, it is more important to listen to her than to return the conversation to the plot.

Five things not to do after a fairy tale

1. Do not arrange a control room

Fifteen memory questions easily kill the desire to listen to the next story.

2. Do not demand to formulate morality

Especially in the words of an adult. A child can understand a story and not be able to turn it into a beautiful rule.

3. Do not use the hero as a reproach

"You see, the bunny shared, but you didn't give your sister a toy today."

After several such conversations, the child will quickly understand that the fairy tale is a hidden way of reading the notation to him.

4. Not to correct every interpretation

If a child can explain his point of view with a plot, he should be listened to, even if an adult sees the story differently.

5. Do not force to speak immediately

Sometimes silence after finals is needed more than questions.

A simple conversation script for three minutes

If you don't want to remember long lists, you can use a very simple scheme.

Step 1. Impressions

"What do you remember most?"

Step 2. Hero or Choice

"Why do you think he did that?"

Step 3. Imagination

"And what if he had done otherwise?"

All.

It is not necessary to sum up with the words "the correct answer is this". If the child has formulated the opinion himself, you can simply continue it:

"Yes, it turns out that it helped him that he did not give up."

or:

"It's interesting, you noticed more not his courage, but the fact that his friends came back for him."

Thus, the conversation remains a joint study of history.

Which fairy tales are particularly interesting to discuss

In fact, almost any. But different types of stories open up different conversations.

Educational tales naturally lead to the topic of actions, consequences and life values. Here it is especially important not to reduce the conversation to one "lesson".

Tales about cleverness give an interesting question: did the hero find a smart solution or just outwit the other? Where is the line between ingenuity and dishonesty?

Tales about kindness allow you to talk about help, gratitude, generosity and care. But instead of "one should be kind," it is more interesting to ask what exactly a good deed changed in the plot.

Adventure Tales are good for "what if..." questions, alternate solutions, and new endings.

Folk tales of different countries can also be discussed due to unusual details: which characters are repeated, what seems familiar, and what is completely different.

Bedtime tales don't have to be read for a long time. An evening conversation can consist of one quiet question: "What moment do you want to take with you to sleep?"

The fairy tale is over, and the conversation can continue

The best fairy tale discussion rarely feels like a ready-made list of questions.

It can start with a childish: "Why didn't he just go home?"

Continue the controversy about the chanterelle.

Go to invent another ending.

And a day later, unexpectedly return during the game: "Do you remember how in that fairy tale?"

You don't need to squeeze a moral out of every story. It is enough to be nearby and be interested in what the child heard in her.

The next time the fairy tale ends, instead of "Well, what does it teach us?" try simpler:

"What do you think of her?"

And give the child time to answer.